Sunday, April 5, 2009

#5 Time Runs Away From Me (and I'm not even trying to catch it)

I realised yesterday, while I was casually browsing my own blog (I am, after all, recording my own memories here) that I've had this for just over a year. A whole year. I find that alarming.

When you create something such as a blog, you don't think about it lasting a year. It was not something that crossed my mind, to be honest. I'll tell you why: I was only thinking about the present. I thought,
I want a blog now, so I'm going to make one. I didn't question where I would be, or even who I would be, when I created this. And the truth is, I have changed.

I wonder, what exactly will I be doing this time next year? Will I be writing a blog about it? Will I be thinking, gosh, it has been a whole year since I wrote that blog wondering where I would be in a year. Look at that, I'm here.

The problem is, no matter how much thought I apply to the matter, I still won't know. I don't even need to think about the minute details of the future. The small details can't be thought out. There is absolutely no possible way to determine, say, How long will my hair be? or Will my desk still be facing this wall? or Will I even still own this desk? (It's not even an actual desk. It's our old kitchen table.)

My point is: ...I'm not even sure what my point is.

I'm as uncertain as the future.

See you all tomorrow.


Kartar said...

My blog is about to turn ten. That feels old (most mornings I feel old too :P). But its interesting to see the changes in my life in the last ten years. I had no idea that I'd be where I am and doing what I am now back then. Also I clearly thought I was funnier than I am. :)

Richard said...

Hi Liv, You really want only your keenest followers to read that one didn't you .. dark Grey text on a black background.. Hmmm Obviously that excess of Alcohol did something to your brain.. :) Keep going You are great !

Liv =] said...

I was going for more of a fading into the background in the sense that Time is fading, not so much hiding the text.

thanks! =]

Anonymous said...

Hi Liv,

If you want to blog about such things, you totally shouldn’t let the opinions of a couple of fans stop you. Are you blogging just for them? Your special because you’re creative :). It’s the most valuable trait a person can have IMO and the trait I value most in other people. You will go far in life because of it. Ill bet you have lots of abstract thoughts.

Anyway, yes change is weird. Over time, its like we become different people. What still exists of me from when I was 5? Not a single atom in my body exists from then, most of my memories from then have been forgotten, my thoughts and drives are all different – so what exactly remains? There is nothing consistent. Here’s a scary thought. Say a rose bush changed in to an apple tree over 10 years, would the rose bush still be alive? If none of it remains, it has been changed out of existence so I think not. Is this like humans because we change so much? Is my superannuation going to go to a different person because my 55 year old me will be so different to the me of now that he ceases to be the me of now? Does continuity of perception merely give us the illusion of being a solid consistent person? Best not to think about this too much …It’s unsettling.

Blogging though, is a small piece of your identity that is truly preserved throughout time. So when you are 40 years old Liv, you can look back here and bring to life, the parts of you which have been lost.